My 19 year old, college freshman daughter Olivia sent me a text today, telling me she received a 98% on her first college speech! Could a father with a media background who is a motivational speaker, writer, former television and radio host, be more proud! I have to say, Olivia was pretty excited herself. When she graduated from Maryvale Prep, an all girls school in Northern Baltimore County, she was looking at a college in the south, where the weather is warm and the campus looked like a country club. All that not withstanding, what impressed me about the college was its President, the renowned motivational speaker and business leader Nido Qubein. Having heard about Quebein for years I decided to check him out and see if he was really ” all that, ” everything I had heard about his goals for students as well as his thoughts on business and on life. One of the first things I did after googling him, was to send him an email discussing Olivia’s interest in attending the college. Within hours, I had a reply! Seemingly too good to be true, must have been a robo responder, I replied back about coming down to meet with him. The short conversation was too intimate to be robo so I accepted the notion it was Quebein himself. He expressed his interest in my daughter attending his college and invited me to lunch to show me around campus. Shortly after that I was invited to be the Key Note Speaker for a local non-profit that raises money from corporate America, corporate Maryland in this case, to send deserving Inner City kids to college. While giving my brief remarks I invoked some of Quebein’s philosophy. One of the tables in front of the stage was filled with several college Presidents. Everyone shook their heads and nodded at my remarks, as if to say, ” yeah, we know who he is.” I did not find their nods to be motivational!

Most everyone knows that for 90 plus percent of the population, speaking in public is the #1 fear. People have been known to pass out, vomit, break out in hives, cold sweats, refuse to go on! Many would rather eat a live bug then to step one foot on stage and run the risk of…………………..what? Ridicule, constructive criticism, notoriety, business opportunity, stature, acceptance and credibility? Closing the Quebein encounter, what really got me to sit up and take note was his One Main Goal for graduates. Ready for this earth shattering, mind blowing, jaw dropping proclamation?? Nido Quebein’s #1 goal for graduating seniors is the ability to Communicate! He really wants them to be able to write, talk, express, emote, feel, live, empathize, sympathize, humanize. How many of you have known someone, perhaps a former boss, who possessed none of the skills I just mentioned. How many of you, if you can be totally honest with yourself, lack these basic human traits? There’s an old joke that says the A students are working for the C students. Many of us can point to several recent high level politicians, local and nationwide who might fit that bill. I always say, whether I’m coaching, hiring or consulting, give me the kid with the best attitude, the willingness to learn, the one who can communicate or is willing to be coached over the straight A student who is neither any day!

But let’s not wait until our sons and daughters march off to college to have their first public speaking experience. You can start right at home, right now, with your toddlers, pre-teens and teenagers. Let them make the reservations, order the food, call Comcast or other vendors to schedule service. Show them what to do and how to do it. If you yourself don’t know, learn together. Take a college class, start reading in church, become a volunteer, hire a coach or consultant to give you a crash course. I’m on a personal mission to teach everyone how to do this by organizing small group sessions. Great networking opportunities meeting with others who posses the same fear! I just signed up for an Acting Class to push me out of my comfort zone, we all have them, some just more then others. Any downside to my theory? Might it make you better at your job, being a dad, a mom, a brother or sister? A better business owner, entrepreneur, department head, doctor, lawyer, teacher, policeman or fireman? You see where I’m going.

Let’s start talking folks! In the words of one of my favorite musicians, John Mayer, ” Say What You Need To Say. “  And start NOW!

To Your Success!

 Bob Paff

The profound and prolific Stephen Covey said it best, but how many of us follow his simple suggestion? Whether it’s business or personal, can we “get there” if we don’t know where “there” is? Can you get to any new travel destination without your GPS or some form of direction? When you get out of bed every morning, how do you start your day? Of course you have your regular morning routine, and then it’s off to or into the office, with many working remotely these days. But where are you going, and how are you getting there? Do you wake up at 64 and say “I’m retiring next year, better get started on that game plan for life after 65”? While my comments seem like simple common sense, how many of us can answer all these questions in the affirmative?

Why is it that we go through life on autopilot, dodging the proverbial bullets life throws at us every single day without a clue how to safeguard ourselves, our families and our associates against them? Would you bake a cake, build a house, buy a suit or groceries without knowing what to look for, what you want and need? And yet we muddle through life-altering, earth-shattering, course-changing decisions every day. We send our children to school, our sales force and administrative teams out in the field, without any sense of direction or intended long-term goals. We live for and in the moment.

In his bestselling 2007 book, “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There,” Marshall Goldsmith describes how successful people become more successful. The wisdom imparted can be applied to personal growth as well as professional growth. How much more effective would you be if you broke down your goals into daily, weekly, monthly, yearly increments? How much more focused, productive, happy, and grounded (not to mention less anxious) would your associates and family be if they not only knew what was expected of them but were armed with the specific tools to get them there?

There is no magic here. It is, like anything else, a process. Let me give that process so you can get started now, today, tonight – tomorrow at the latest! Have that family or employee meeting to say “here’s what we’re doing, and this is your role.” Everyone gets their job with clear-cut direction, expectations and measures of accountability. I discuss this in my “Who’s On Your Team” talk. Play to your strengths and delegate your weaknesses to someone on the team for whom they are strengths. GE Legend Jack Welch says in his Big Six, “Don’t manage, lead.” If you follow these simple rules, I guarantee your success. Your associates and family will be less anxious and more productive if they are not wasting time trying to read your mind! Do it now and watch the results lower your blood pressure and increase your bottom line, whatever that might be!

To your Success and everyone else’s peace of mind!

Bob Paff

On March 8th, I will give a talk on Social Skills to a group of fifth-grade boys at the local parish school my children attend. The genesis of this talk is rooted in my shock and dismay after chaperoning a field trip for the third graders just a couple of years ago. Gone were all those social pleasantries we grew up with and were taught by our parents and teachers. Not only have we come to accept rude or indifferent behavior, we’ve come to expect it! It’s only when we encounter, in the words and writings of Johns Hopkins professor Peter Forni, civility, that we are taken aback.

It’s too easy to lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of technology, with every imaginable gadget to make us faster, more efficient and more productive. By the time you bring your new device home, the manufacturers have already rolled out its replacement. I think the term “planned obsolescence” still applies! While technology has made us faster and more productive, it has also made us less approachable, less connected, less involved, and even less interested.

Since opportunity always stems from adversity, I’m waiting for some earth-shattering idea to swing the pendulum back the other way and realize the significance and productivity of doing business the old-fashioned way, with relationship building and face-to-face contact. Someone will soon realize the genius in this simple approach and harness the masses into a new wave of productivity! I touch on this in almost every piece I write, when I talk about being connected, looking out for the other guy, picking up the phone to ask what you can do to help someone. Again, I’ll go out on that limb and guarantee that you will be more productive, generate more leads and revenue, create more awareness of your product or service, make an unintended difference in someone’s life or business! You can’t miss! What’s your fear, why the delay?

My fear is that if we don’t mend our ways – clearly what we’re doing is not working – we run the mammoth risk of, within a generation or two, wiping out any form of one-on-one, face-to-face, business-over-breakfast-or-lunch connection with each other. Our children, our youngest associates, and future corporate leaders will know no other way. The ramifications of such ignorance not only affect business, but in my opinion, and more significantly, our willingness and ability to resolve conflict at any level,
personal or professional. Relationships have ended and employees fired via text and e-mail. With the push of a button or the flip of a switch, we can walk away and never look back! There’s HUGE opportunity here, folks, gold in those mines. Where’s your shovel?

To Your Success!

Bob

The last time we wrote about this was to salute Roy’s Hawaiian Fusion restaurant and Chef Cindy Wolf and Charleston. We did also mention the ” not so good ” Fresh and Green that took over the failed Super Fresh on 40th Street off Falls Road in the Hampden area. Boy, while I would love to say I have a crystal ball or even some Tarot Cards I cannot take any credit or responsibility for the demise of the latter and celebration of the former, Chef Cindy Wolf and Charleston. The old Super Fresh turned Fresh and Green for a month or so will now be home to the Giant Food store moving out of the ailing Rotunda Mall. Many in that area, in particular the residents of Roland Park Place are sorry to see the store move, even if it is just a block away! We are creatures of habit. Seems like that Fresh and Green lost many of the loyal customers that shopped there when it was Super Fresh, yours truly included! The store, the employees, the stock on the shelves, was never the same and so, down they go! In this challenging economy, you’re either vital and growing or you’re gone!

On a more positive note, we are thrilled to announce that once again, Chef Cindy Wolf and her team at Charleston are doing more then their part to keep Baltimore from slipping off the culinary map. The world renowned Chef was nominated once again for the prestigious James Beard Award along with the first nomination for her flagship restaurant Charleston. Having dined there on several occasions I must confess, there is no finer place in Baltimore! From the time you arrive to valet your car, parking can be tough in the Harbor East area, to the time you are seated in the dining room, everything is impeccably done. The attention to the finest detail could be an Olympic sport! Never has anyone done such amazing things with a simple Red Beet, not a personal favorite but indulged at least twice at Charleston. Not certain they will ever be favorites but they must, at least I hope, be so good for you! Antioxidants, maybe?? In perhaps one of the most challenging industries there is, Cindy Wolf has found a way to not only survive but thrive, her latest venture being converting the old Roland Park Bakery into another fine, branded establishment. Can’t wait to see how much that helps boost the local economy and creates a few more desperately needed jobs.

This attention to detail is not and should not be limited to the food service industry. While the bar may be set higher for those establishments due to rules and regulations, the Golden Rule of treating others as you yourself would want to be treated, should be applied to everyone. Customers, future patrons and prospects have many, many choices were they spend their precious few disposable dollars these days. If you want that place of business to be yours, do what I have labeled, ” The Walk of Excellence.” Take stock every day of how you’re doing, from your employees down to your vendors and patrons. Solicit feedback and be a guest in your own business. Measure to be measured. Would you do business with you? If not, why not and what needs to be done to fix it. Until such time let’s salute and frequent those caught doing it right and look for other gems out there yet to be discovered, one business at a time.

Congratulations Chef Cindy Wolf and Charleston!

Bob Paff

While George Huguely V, Robert Richardson III and T.J. Lane lived worlds apart – socially, economically and geographically – they shared one undeniable bond: all three
were the victims of broken homes. I imagine social workers are having a field day with the amount of historical data about these three families and the clear line leading the boys’ violent behavior back to the familial loss they had experienced.

In Huguely’s case, it appears loneliness, anger and rage were drowned out by generations of money and excess privilege. It was nearly impossible to read a story about this kid without hearing about his drunken binges – binges clearly not capable of drowning out the loss he had been feeling for years, beyond the reach of his estranged parents. That loss, anger, and behavior continued to be ignored as Huguely proudly walked the hallowed halls of the University of Virginia. Where were his teachers, counselors, friends and enemies while this troubled young man was out of control? Does the privilege extend to ignoring inappropriate and ultimately violent behavior until it becomes too late, and incarceration and looking back are the only options?

There are many more than two losses here, two families destroyed. While they say children expect to bury their parents, it is a parent’s worst nightmare to bury his/her child.  As the father of six children myself, I cannot imagine the daily horror Sharon Love and her family must face. Lexie says the pain of knowing she will never see her sister’s face again causes her physical pain.

For the Huguelys, not only must they live with this reminder, but they must accept part of the blame. Yeardley’s family will never see her graduate college, they’ll never see her get married, they’ll never celebrate the birth of her children. Truth be told, many people are now second-guessing the Huguelys’ lack of intervention.

Clear across to the middle of the country – a place known for its solid Midwestern gentility, where many people still leave their doors unlocked at night, and where neighbors look out for neighbors – we have another senseless shooting at a high school.  T.J. Lane was, by all accounts, a loner, haunted too by the demons of his youth, lacking the ability and resources to reach out for help, and finally getting the attention he sought in that high school cafeteria.

Because this tragedy is so new, new information is constantly unfolding. We do know Lane’s anger and lack of self-control have now resulted in a third loss of innocent life. Again, where were the adults, the teachers, counselors, neighbors, or church members?  Do we live in a blind world, believing things like this only happen to other people? We should now realize it can and does happen, anywhere – we’ve just become immune to the reality. We live in “sound byte society,” one in which this tragedy will soon be replaced by another.

And finally, we heard about the tragedy of a young, reclusive high school boy in Maryland who killed his father after suffering abuse from his father for years. Going to school in dirty, tattered clothing that he slept in the night before; the loud screaming and violence neighbors heard coming from the motherless home – there appear to be many things at play here in the breakdown of the family.

A loss, compounded by the economy, and a lack of human value and identity. A father so full of anger that he repeatedly took it out, physically and emotionally, on his own flesh and blood. The irony is how the community has rallied around this young boy, the true victim in this senseless and preventable tragedy. One must ask, however, where was this community while this tragedy was playing out?

The truth is no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and to some extent we are all living in our own personal hells; whether imposed by others or self-inflicted, we are too rightfully and justifiably caught up in our own worlds. When the preventable, needless losses all elude us, the reflection begins – at least until the next tragedy crosses the screen of our living room or family room television.

In my thoughts and words, these boys were victims of the breakdown of the family unit – an unwillingness or inability to rise above the crises of life, the pressure and complications of wanting it all or barely having enough to get by. At the end of the day, aren’t the tragedies all the same? You see, neither great wealth nor abject poverty, Huguelys, Richardsons and Lanes all accounted for, can erase this apparent reality of life. Sadly, we’re all the victims here, as it’s a testament to the American culture we have come too easily to accept.

Bob Paff

Best selling author Seth Godin hits the nail on the head in a recent blog of his, “The sad irony of selfishness“. It can never be about What’s In It For Me! Just think what the world might look like if everyone put the other guy first. If your first call of the day was to say to a prospect, client or friend, ” how can I help you,” that alone could jump start an ailing economy. Why don’t we do it? Are we too self-absorbed or too busy to care or are we just ignorant of the social graces of business? For many I believe it is the latter. I think we just don’t know how to get out of our own way. It is not an intentional wish for others or ourselves to fail, however, a lack of what taking an altruistic approach can have on our bottom line. Start tomorrow by making that call and asking, ” what can I do to help you succeed today? ” And do me a favor – share your experience in the comments below. Make that extra effort right now!

Bob Paff