Please Don’t Date!
Now that I have your attention, allow me to elaborate.
Very recently I casually dated a lovely woman, divorced with two grown children living out of the house. While we had just a few dates, I did enjoy her company very much. A good fit on an intellectual, emotional and spiritual level, or so I thought. I took the sage advice of a psychologist friend and decided one Saturday afternoon that we would just ” hang out, ” run some errands and do the things all of us do in real life when we’re not ” on ” for those we might be trying to impress.
We had a fine day, running to the dry cleaners, stopping for lunch and window shopping in a near by town. My friend even decided to stay over since she lived about an hour away. While the details of that evening are not important here… I could tell that the morning sun brought a change in her behavior. She left shortly before noon and although we exchanged a message or two, we did not speak again that day, or the next!
Sensing something was amiss, I reached out to say, I hear your wheels spinning, what’s going on? She preferred to talk over texting or emailing but I was home with my kids and didn’t have time for a lengthy conversation. I asked her for some idea of what was bothering her and said politely that I didn’t like suspense.
True confession time: she admitted to still being hung up on a long distance relationship that ended after the new year. She said, her words, that she ” loved this man more than life. ” Wow, profound indeed. Note to me and you; never love someone more than life! What’s that about?? I told her I appreciated her honesty but wished she had been so much sooner. Much before I had invested my time and resources into a relationship that had no where to go! Gracious and wise, told you she was smart, she agreed that I was right and offered her apology. I told her I accepted, we were good and that she should not be dating. Instead, spending time in therapy, in contemplation, in religion or what ever outlet she embraces to heal.
My single, middle aged, male perspective. Don’t date when your not ready. Don’t use me to forget your ex husband or most recent boyfriend. Don’t bury your head in the sand or under your pillow with the illusion that time alone, heals all things. I’m four plus years single and discover new and exciting things and people every day! Please don’t deny yourself that pain, growth and healing you were destined to experience. And for the sake of yourself and those you expose yourself to, above all, be honest. Say what you need and want to say, not what you think I want to here. You do me and yourself no favors! Don’t date until you’re ready!!
To Your Happiness!