A Facebook friend posed a very interesting question to me recently in a private message. She wanted to know if I thought unconditional love was possible with anyone but your children.
Honestly, I had never given such a profound and thought provoking question any consideration.
My friend is a single, middle aged woman, who like many of us, would like to find a special person to spend time with. With the right chemistry and endorphins kicking in, all new romances start off with promising expectations. When reality and life settle in, the true rubber meets the road.
Many factors fall into why things fall apart but we’ll save that for another story!
I told my friend she had given me some great material to write about, and after some soul searching I would get back to her.
Being the father of six and having suffered through the end of two failed marriages, I have come to the conclusion, based on my formidable personal experience, that it is NOT possible to love anyone but your children, unconditionally! While we commit to others in our lives with the hope these relationships will last forever, we all have our breaking points.
In a love relationship, many things can get in the way of that unconditional bond. For some, the straw that breaks the camels back might be abuse, adultery, addictions, abandonment, etc. We all have breaking points. While I will confess to loving until ” the end,” the end is the end!
It is hopeful and wishful to want the best for those folks no longer contributing members of our lives, but the question of an unconditional love need not be a requirement for those things to occur. Children on the other hand, add a different mix to this equation. Despite all the formidable deal breakers I listed, I don’t think it’s possible to break the bond of love we hold for our children. While we may not see them on a regular basis or in some cases at all, the bond that develops from years of nature and nurture, insure this love continues.
We must also weigh in the genetic nature of the relationship. We don’t give birth to or help create those with whom we form interpersonal relationships, no matter how impenetrable they once were. Mitigating factors can and do contribute to their demise.
We change, grow, stop growing or grow apart. An unconditional bond does not exist. No matter how strong that love once was, too many causalities, within and beyond our control, take over.
Children are the only ones here to stay!!